This Christmas, please ensure continued aid to Israel considering that the treacherous BDS movement is picking up steam. Could you replace the late Shake Soccer with a dozen greedier and more racist oil princes for me to befriend? I’d also like to be promoted from my current position as a DNC committee chair; I’d like to become President Obama’s valet. Let me know if you have a shortage of elves so I send you a couple AAI interns. And if you have time, could you by any chance look in to your lineage to see if you have any Arab ancestors?
Can you get an Arabic dictionary for Christmas so I put it under my pillow and learn the language by osmosis? And do you still give out “integrity packages”?
Though I support the French niqab ban, this Christmas I would like to ask you for a niqab. I’m too embarrassed to show my face for having normalized with Israel.
Dear Mr. Claus,
I’ve already scored dinner with Michael Oren. If you could arrange for me to dine with any living relatives of David Ben Gurion, Golda Meir and Moshe Dayan, that would be awesome. Could you also get me a copy of “Sufism for Dummies“?
More young Arab-Americans in the US Army, CIA and FBI, please! Surely our occupied brothers and sisters in Afghanistan and Iraq will understand our obsession with proving loyalty to the stars and stripes. While you’re at it, could you get Barack Obama to acknowledge our existence? It hurts our feelings when he doesn’t return our calls.
Assalamu alaikum Brother Santa,
We’d like a fatwa that it’s ok for Muslims to work for the FBI and enlist in the Army. We already encourage it, but an official fatwa would make more Muslims feel comfortable joining to fight our important war against Afghans and Iraqis. Also, please tell us who your Jewish counterpart is so we complete our interfaith outreach for this year. Rest assured we won’t bring up Zionism.
Wa alaikum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
Concentration camps for every Muslim-American outside who doesn’t belong to my organization, please. I’d also like to see an American flag shrouding the ka’ba if it’s not too much trouble.
Santa, how the hell are ya!
Could you get Geert Wilders to endorse my book? Having Daniel Pipes and Alan Dershowitz support it is great but not enough.
An Arabic Rosetta Stone would also be nice so I learn how to pronounce “madrasa” and “ijtihad.”
Idea for this post inspired by the witty article by David Macaray at: http://dissidentvoice.org/2010/12/letters-to-santa-claus/